There are people always coming in and out of our lives, some are amazing and others are toxic, I always believed that once a relationship runs its course no matter what impact it has whether friendship or a love lost it was simply time wasted, one that you can never get back.
I was reminded by a friend and once professor of mine that there is no such thing as time wasted for now it is time to reflect on what we have been through and what we have learned about yourself as well as others. I knew venturing beyond the state of heartbreak and anxiety she was right. Yet at that moment my perspective was clouded….
I have always been one to see things from outside the box, beyond those borders of conformity that so many seem to be stuck in. But in this instance I was locked in a prison of my own emotions shielded from the outward state in which I was so comfortable. It is amazing how we can do that to ourselves for the days, weeks of anger, mourning, hurt….
Before I locked these feelings away and threw them into infinities inferno, I took my friends words to heart, I sat, walked, watched with nature letting these thoughts and images and feelings flow through me while also contemplating what life has in store in the very near future.
It concluded not with a frown or tears but that of a smile beaming to the sky with a renewed vigor. What my friend has said was right all along..
I see the coming weeks and months, I have gotten an excellent job in which I will start early in the coming month, I will have a house by June and a new car by fall, all the while saving up for whatever the future holds. It is an opportunity I knew would come and with it my soul has come to a calm, but unfortunately I formerly lacked the patience to be good for anyone else.
Not unlike most when reflecting I too tend to drift towards the negative. You wonder “had I been a little more patient”. “Had she waited just a little longer how much things would have changed”. “Why did you let that anxiety consume you”. But that’s the devil on your shoulder trying to divert your path of resolution..
You realize she was the best thing for you in that time, in that moment, those soft hands and caring touch mended a cracked spirit. I called her “The light of hope in the darkness” for that she was and a beautiful one at that.
There is no doubt I loved her, and will always love her. The memory of those special moments we shared, the touches and laughter and inspiration will be treasured forever.
Stepping outside in the light of the day I can smell the coming spring. Persephone is rising from Hades domicile to melt the cold dead hands of winter and sprout life anew a seed has been sown in my heart and soul bringing forth new life and a new vitality to this disheveled spirit.
I wish her the best of luck, she is rising to a place in life I am not sure she ever imagined yet I knew the fighting spirit inside her would guide her if she took that first step. I have always seen the positivity in others and hers burned like a fiery sun….
Through this resolution I sit back and smile with the knowledge that from this day forward I will be more open and willing to let others see what dwells inside (as scary as it might be)..
And as this post comes to a close I know that I am not completely mended, the soul take much longer to heal but it is surrounded by a cushion of hope and the confidence that life is getting better. Through new opportunities and career paths my yellow brick road is before me but one must only take one step at a time and enjoy the path and people as they come…..