Tough Times.

You know there are times I just wonder why I even bother.  This week has been the hardest I have had in a long time.  Having to watch over my nephew (dealing with that disrespect).  And just all around how much things are just not working.  I think depression is quickly starting to take hold.  I dont mean that blue funk type depression I mean the real thing.  I have had some intense thoughts in my time that resulted in bad things but this week has been the most intense I have ever had.  It is almost like my brain is willing my body to harm itself, that just proves how strong the human mind is and how much influence it has over people.

Now I am not saying I am going to splatter my brains all over gods green earth but but there are time when I wish I could.  I think thats one of the many reasons I have decided to take some time offline, when things become stressing in life coming online and fooling around and talking to contacts you have is suppose to be relaxing but for me it is just another ball of stress adding to ther junk pile.  One of the only saving graces I do have is also taking some time off to spend with her husband and mother which I think will be pretty good for her too. 

So I am going to attempt to be offline for a few weeks and attempt to stay off the booze and put my energies into work and writing this book I have been hesitant about.  I have the prologue done and half of the first chapter finished but like with most writers it is the plot that is going to stymie me.  So we will see what happens, I am sure I will probably even write in here more without those distractions. 

So those who read this gimme a little hope and maybe a little love I could always use those, especially in these trying time.

Yellow Brick Road..

It has been a long time since I have posted anything, part of it was just being too busy and another part of it was needing time to think.  I have seen the past few months go by like nothing, this summer has been uneventful from an excitement point of view but as far as growth is concerned it has been a godsend.  I have seen people come and go in my life and with each passing face I wonder if I will see them again.  For the most part the people I have cast out of my life have hurt me in one way or another and I typically play the part of the abused but loyal dog who is always reliable in situations when I am needed.  The wonderful thing is I think I have finally broken that spell thanks to a couple people I know.  It has been replaced with an ironic sense of vindictive lust, not controlled by my hand of course but watching fate cast an deserving blow to those who have hurt me. 

For example a couple weeks ago I saw an old friend of mine who stabbed me in the back and cast a negligent eye on me as a friend more times then I can even count.  She always tried to control her weight and for a while she looked really good, and with a very addictive personality people including myself was so easily drawn to her.  It took me two looks to determine if it was her or not, her body was ballooned but then I glanced at that stride of step and knew…. Yes she had become the very thing she hated.  As the maniacal laughter emanated from my mouth I could not help but think I have tarnished my karma slightly or if I have just attained a full blown first class ticket to hell?  I truly don’t wish harm on the people who have wronged me but when it happens I cant help but laugh in slight.  Is that wrong or justified?  That is the controversial question I have not yet contemplated and sadly I probably wont.  But you have been there too, have you not?  It is in essence human nature…

In three days I am to begin a book I made a promise to a friend to write a book based on our writings to some degree at least.  Sometimes I think I have once again gotten over my head but it seems I actually want to do this because the person who is driving me I know will never let me live it down if I don’t..lol.. But that’s not the only reason she is also probably one of my biggest supports.  So here is the deal.  I can write this thing and hope that some publishing company will take pity on me and publish it in hopes of attaining a small loyal audience or I can let myself get intimidated and have to deal with an English accent badgering and chewing away at my ear for eternity..lol Guess there is not much choice there huh?  Well if this does get completed I hope to bring Vampires back into a better light.  They have been so watered down the old lore needs to be retold and given to these young eyes to read and adore I do hope to do this…

So I am traveling down the yellow brick road to a place I have not seen, it is the future and it continues to look brighter with each passing day.  When that sun hits those gold bricks the gleaming beauty guides you on your way…

Till we meet again….

Peeking out through a chaotic veil.

So the past couple weeks have been rather ravenously ravaging to both my body mind and soul.  Thats when we retreat into ourselves and wish not to come out until we think it is safe. My family is a chaotic mess every time I turn around there is another person from my older sisters side of the family causing me enough stress to want to go insane.  It seems to me that everyone has a black sheep in their family one with a poison touch in which everything they attempt to do or anyone they touch turns into a black cloud of stress and madness.  

I for one get sucked into it every time.  She is my sister what else am I supposed to do?  The house I am working on I have to put on hold because there is not enough money coming in to continue working on it.  And I really seriously want to write but I cant, nothing is coming when I know I have a multitude of good ideas brewing away inside me.  It is kind of like being teased with a taste of ambrosia being just an inch of reach, and the gods continue to dangle it in front of you just for their sadistic pleasure…. I tell ya first off right here and now, it sucks big time.

Although I do have one friend who constantly picks me up and soothes the ass that lives in side.  Sometimes I wonder if it is me she loves or just does it cause she loves my writing. But regardless she has been a godsend these past couple years.  It was one of those situations where my curiosity got the better of me she had a writing site, we wrote, we talked then we clicked…  Not romanticly ofcourse just a really good common ground with an amazing ability to feed one anothers ego in proficient fashion.  So to you my dear, Thank you so much….

Dreaming and lazy days..

I know I have not been around much in the last couple weeks, there has so much that has needed to be done around this house and to be completely honest aside from working I have been unbelievably lazy and slightly self destructive.  I think everyone goes through that and we tend to reach for our vices for comfort, whether it be sweets or cigarettes or alcohol.  Thus in my state of consious stasis I reached for my comforts and havent gotten very much done.  Is this needed sometimes?  When stress builds this can be an outlet that allows us to ease the fires of tension enough to be able to endure the ever present stresses of life.  I am thinking so…..

I have also been having some really twisted dreams ones that have made me question who I am and have always been.  They have both brought me to tears and yet to a state of immense contimplation.  I realized after much thought that dreams do not dictate who you are or what path you choose but those simple realizations sometimes escape us when we are faced with visions so realistic that they plague the mind.  Although they do mean something even though some believe dreams mean nothing, is that because we dont want to believe they mean something? or because or your mind is showing you something that you just dont want to face?  When we sleep the mind is given free reign to show us whatever it desires but no matter what, whether it be a repressed memory or a twisted vision that shows us the lack of something in our life, they do mean something.    You will all have to excuse me I am in a rather philosophical mood this morning..

On a happier note I know my last post expressed an idea for a book review site, I am in the process of creating a forum and in the next couple weeks I should have completely finished the site for both the reviews and the forum.  I already have two people on board and one potential willing to do reviews if anyone else is out there who wants to come and share your ideas please feel free I would be happy to hear them.  I will give you all updates as I get the ball rolling.  Thank those of you who emailed me with your thoughts.

Possible Idea.. (Book Review Site)

Here in the past six months or so I had the pleasure of doing some special book reviews for a few gifted readers and even though my time their ended rather abruptly I really enjoyed the time spent reviewing and sharing my thoughts.  So here is the deal I would like to put up a review site for all books of every age and genre.  The cool thing about doing something like that is that if you can bring people into your fold to participate and share their ideas then you can watch something grow and evolve into something that is more then just one persons vision but a whole team.

I have actually thought about this for quite a while because it is a great opportunity to expose yourself to new experiences and meet a whole melody of new people.  This blog post is going to be somewhat short but here is my question.  Given some perks such as contests and possibly meeting those who are prominant in the writing world, as well as letting your voice and ideas be heard.  How many of you would be willing to join me?  Have I started anything? No.  But thats kind of the point to this to reach out and hopefully grasp two or three people willing to create something together and make something the world can see and the authors we love too revere.   

So how about it folks?  How many of you would like to do this?  It would be no more then 1 book every two weeks, of course more if you wish it.  You also get your voice to be heard, and believe me many will see this.  You can contact me at wcstuckey@gmail.com if you have any questions.  Hope to hear from some of you soon.

Castlevania Yumminess

Ok I usually dont post things about games even though I have been a gamer pretty much all my life.  But not one of those mindless gamers who sits back and plays the same sports or fighting game for hours on end.  I enjoy things that challange me, not that I have to explain myself there but well some of you know what I mean.  There are times though you follow a series and watch it evolve and go through its up’s and downs.  Being a monster and horror freak one of my guilty pleasures has always been Castlevania by Konami since the first impossible annoying ass game came out in the NES in 1986 I have been hooked.  I have watched this series evolve through the years I have seen some major stinkers but that was all made up in the late 90’s with a game called Castlevania Symphony of the Night, when all the other gaming franchises were doing 3-D  games Konami dared to make one more side scrolling game and it was a masterpiece full of stunning graphics and amazing music not to meantion the vast world to explore with secrets and hidden keys it was a true experience..

Now as amazing as that game was unfourtunately after that came a couple stinkers. But there is most definately hope in sight, I just saw a trailer for the newest Castlevania in which has been presented as to completely and utterly reinvent the series. Taken on by the production team that brought you the Metal Gear series the preview of this game is absolutely astonishing considering there is a 8 year difference between these two games you decide how far they have come....

Book Review: The Dante Club by Matthew Pearl

Book Description, Talk about high concept: in Pearl’s debut novel, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Oliver Wendell Holmes and James Russell Lowell team up with 19th-century publisher J.T. Fields to catch a serial killer in post-Civil War Boston. It’s the fall of 1865, and Harvard University, the cradle of Bostonian intellectual life, is overrun by sanctimonious scholars who turn up their noses at European literature, confining their study to Greek and Latin. Longfellow and his iconoclastic crew decide to produce the first major American translation of Dante Alighieri’s Divine Comedy. Their ambitious plans are put on hold when they realize that a murderer terrorizing Boston is recreating some of the most vivid scenes of chthonic torment in Dante’s Inferno. Since knowledge of the epic is limited to rarefied circles in 19th-century America, the “Dante Club” decides the best way to clear their own names is to match wits with the killer. The resulting chase takes them through the corridors of Harvard, the grimy docks of Boston Harbor and the subterranean labyrinths of the metropolis. It also gives Pearl an excellent opportunity to demonstrate that he’s done his history homework. The detective story is well plotted, and Pearl’s recreation of the contentious world of mid-19th-century academia is engrossing, even though some of its more ambitious elements like an examination of intellectual hypocrisy and insularity in the Ivy League are somewhat clunky. There are, as well, some awkward attempts to replicate 19th-century prose (”But for Holmes the triumph of the club was its union of interests of that group of friends whom he felt most fortunate to have”). Still, this is an ambitious and often entertaining thriller that may remind readers of Caleb Carr.

My Thoughts: When reading this story you really get an engrained view into the eye of history.  Matthew Pearl really went into extensive research to present this story using the most accurate information possible.  The characters were intricately described and proficiently presented.  You could feel the tension between the characters as they arguing the possibilities of suspects and could blatently feel the overwhelming egos that filled the room.  The writing used old time vernacular to really give it that added Victorian essence.  That can be hit or miss considering the fact most people don’t understand that lingo.

Things I Liked:  I have always been a fan of Dante, thats what pulled me to this story.  The grotesque display in which these murders were calculated was amazing and very well written for.  The idealism behind it which was the main plot was extremely intriguing containing a splendid aspect of closure to the end of the story.

Things I Didn’t Like:  The characters at times were boring the constant bumping of egos even though poignant took away from the story.  The writing done in classic fashion could be very tedius and slightly daunting.

Rating: B

Additional Info:  If you enjoy a story that seeps history from ever seem and enjoy suspense in a classic setting take a look at this story.

Price: $7.99

Author Website: http://www.matthewpearl.com/

BTT: A Second First Time.

What book would you want to be able to read again for the first time?

 

This was a very interesting question I saw from actually a few blogs that got me thinking.  As I start rattling off the mounds of  stories and books that I have gone through in the past.  There are a mere few that really stick out to both be shocking to me or have an astounding effect on my life in one way or another. Here is what they are…

Dracula by Bram Stoker this is the book that got me addicted to reading everything about the characters and the whole setting just drove home with me.  I loved everything about it, romance, horror, manipulation and empathy, this story had it all and then some..

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury.  This book was given to us in school to read, which in all reality was kind of a no no by the school district but the teacher we had did not follow rules very well..lol  Good thing too because this story was absolutely phenomenal.  I loved the symbolism and the idealism that portrayed what our future was going to look like.  Amazingly enough where we are now is remarkably close to where the book goes..

A Rose for Emily by William Faulker.  This was a short story but it had a twisted sense of horror that made the hair on the back of your neck stand on end.  I loved it the same teacher who made us read Fahrenheit also had us read this.  You feel so sorry for poor Emily until the very end when you are hit in the face with a realization that you never really saw coming.. Awesome story..

So there they are my choices for my second first reads.. Tell me what are yours, if you had to chose any books to read again for the first time, what would they be??

William on: Demons

I have been plagued ever since I was a child in Sunday school about the interest in demons.  I remember distinctly the moment it hit me.  I was sitting in class we were discussing the varius views of the bible and the quest of Christ to his fate to absolve everyone of their sins.  When we got to the tempations of the devil my eyes perked as if the story finally got interesting with the introduction of an antagonist. 

Now mind you I was seven years old long before I considered religion an interesting topic, and worse yet like any child I had the attention span of a flea.  So anyway  he was mentioned only briefly and then the teacher moved on, ofcourse being the curious little bugger I was I rose my hand and asked who this evil being was. 

The teacher said “He was bad, and thats all you need to know”.  Something in my head perked, something about this naferious figure sparked a major interest.  As I grew older my interest in all things dark and evil grew and manifested in a rather imaginative way in which some day I would love to expose to the world. 

Now I am in no way a Satanist or Religious Anarchist actually I am quite the opposite but the ideaology and philosophy behind demons is just damned interesting.  I have had several people ask me what I believe and I could share my philosophy on this but would it really matter?  Yes it may be interesting but we all have our ideas on this subject and I bet everyone has a level of interest and diversity that puts us in a place that we are afraid to venture into.   Demons of any kind whether creature from hell or Vampire or even a werewolf are guity pleasures, we read them and enjoy them as if biting into a forbidden fruit.  We know we are not suppose to let them fuel our engines but they do and we hope is that noone is watching..lol

So the question of the day is, what is your favorite demon, or your favorite creature of the night and why?  Come now,  you have read down this far I know you have something in mind, let it loose I dare you…

 

*Some people may have thought from this title that I would be talking about internal demons.  Well I am not going to bitch about myself anymore I have come to a serene calm and just say it is what it is. Love me or hate me but I am what I am accept it or get out of my way..lol*

William on: Commitment Issues

What is it about commitment that scares the hell out of people?  Is it the idea that we are going to be chained into something we may lose faith in?  Or is it the misconception that we are not going to be able to be free to be ourselves?  I have wondered about this off and on.  I remember fondly as a child I was the one who wanted to grow up and get married and have a family with a bunch of little ones running around.  I found as I got older thats not the case atleast the bunch of little ones aspect of it.. I think the most I would want is one or two thats about all I think I could handle if I could even handle that much..lol 

But alas I too have commitment issues, it is not that I have not had the opportunity to date and create something possibly magical, something always held me back.  I think it is my faith in the idea that things are going to remain as loving and embracing forty years down the road, because in my heart I know thats crap.  But by all means I know there are exceptions to this but as I look around at some of the aging people I know, my parents and their friends that  marriage doesnt age well and thats a frightening thought when thinking about getting into a serious relationship.

I think thats why I put the kibosh on any potential relationship subconsiously because maybe I know I am not made for that life, I dont want to believe that but that just might be the way it is.  I should have been one of those guys who has a friend with benefits kinda deal with that understanding and respect between both parties to take care of my more carnal needs but unfourtunately thats not in my blood. 

So I have two choices, I can live a lonesome life where I basically do what I want and not worry about the consquences or I can find a woman who can actually put up with me..  Sheesh talk about narrowing it down..lol